Schtick it to Me

Let’s discuss the “Schticky” commercial. I crack up every time I see it, there are so many sexual innuendos in this commercial. Let’s watch it and break it down, shall we?

[Vince Offer] Hey it’s Vince Offer here, with my new product called: The “Schticky”. You’re gonna clean your home in a quickie when you use your Schticky. Now here’s the deal, its a reusable lint roller and more. For furniture, food particles in the cabinets. The debris on the stairs. And even use it in the car. And ladies you always wanted to stick it to your husband, now you can! Works on all fabrics, from wool to velvet. (20 SECONDS INTO THE COMMERCIAL THERE IS A CLOSE UP OF A WOMAN’S BOOB AS SHE ROLLS THE “SCHTICKY”)  Problem with the shedding pussy. ( DO I REALLY HAVE TO EXPAND ON THAT?) Pick up cat hairs from clothes. Or use Schticky from the leftover dog hairs on the sofa. Or even Schticky your pets before they shed.(I’M ALL FOR THIS IDEA) It’s made of a special silicon so with a little water the dirt comes right off. It’s slippery when wet. Sticky when dry! (WHY YES IT) Check this out! Stop wasting $100.00 dollar a year on paper lint rollers.(OK, IF YOU ARE SPENDING $100 ON LINT ROLLERS, GET RID OF AN ANIMAL AND BUY SOME HEAD AND SHOULDERS)

[Friend At The Door]
Hey

[Vince Offer]
And of those unwanted guests. (FIRST NOTICE THE ROACH CRAWLING UP THE WALL THAT HE HITS WITH THE “SCHTICKY”, THEN COMES THE PLAYING WITH YOUR “SCHTICKY COMMENT)

[Friend At The Door]
Vince – Oh your playing with your Schticky, I’m sorry!

[Vince Offer]
Ah -eeeh

[Vince Offer]
When you order the Schticky you get the little Schticky! Great for on the go – get rid of dandruff for that first date. Or link for that important business meeting. Us Schticky anytime, anyplace and with anyone. (THINKING SOMEONE IS ABOUT TO BECOME A MEMBER OF THE MILE HIGH CLUB) Schticky makes you look your best even for those unforgettable moments.(AT 1:07 HE TAKES A MUG SHOT THAT IS DATED FEB. 7,  I CAN ONLY ASSUME IN HONOR OF HIS ARREST ON FEB. 7, 2009 DUE TO AN ALTERCATION WITH A PROSTITUTE.) You’re gonna like the little Schticky but you’re gonna love the big Schticky. For bigger messes like dust bunnies under the bed, or picking up after the kids. Clean up kitty litter and loose hairs in the bathroom. Great for cob-webs or curtains and other hard to reach places. You can do multiple surfaces. You don’t have to go to vacuum to broom. Penny-Schticky is a real penny earned. Hair hides deep in the carpet but with the special brush attachment the Schticky grabs the hairs that the vacuum just can’t get. You don’t want this stuff in your carpet, guys! So you get the Schticky and the little Schticky for $19.95 but if call now within the next 20 minutes because we can’t do this all day, you’re gonna get the big Schticky absolutely free, just pay for processing, comes with a 10 year warranty. That’s 3 for $19.95. Here’s how to order:

Oh Vince, you bring us such entertainment. First “Shamwow” and now the “Schticky”!